A Sister and a Mother

When I was eleven years old I lost my mother to breast cancer. Being the youngest in my family, I was the epitome of a momma's boy. My oldest sibling, Simon, had just graduated high school and was on his way to the University of Minnesota. My other sibling, Sarah, had just finished her freshman year in High School. This story is about her, and the incredible strength, support, and wisdom that she shared with me, helping me develop into the person I am now all while she was making changes in her life as well.
About a year or so after my mother passed away, my brother was diagnosed with brain cancer. He came home to get treatment, eventually needing brain surgery to remove the tumor. At this point my sister was a senior in high school, and got her first speeding ticket while commuting to take a college course in a nearby town. I was sick for the last week with a fever and flu, my brother was down in Madison getting surgery done, and my sister was still taking care of me, and my brother when he was home, taking college courses, and competing for Valedictorian. My brother ended up surviving the cancer, and graduating only a semester over four years. My sister graduated as Valedictorian, going on to Luther College for Sociology and Spanish.
I was now in high school, figuring out who I wanted to be, and not surprisingly followed in my sister's footsteps. She got me interested in music and extracurriculars, taking part in our school musicals and plays, mock trial, academic bowls and decathlons. I wasn't nearly as studious as she was, but her guidance and advice helped me find things that I enjoyed and took pride in, and successfully kept me out of trouble after school, with only my father at home, especially when he took a new job in a different city.
After I graduated high school, I again took a page out of my sister's book in more than one way. She had worked for a Christian camping organization called Crossways as a counselor the summer immediately after graduating. She continued to work with them each summer until she graduated college, at one point having the opportunity to travel to South Africa in order to help set up a camp to raise HIV/Aids awareness. I applied right out of high school and have been working with Crossways every summer since then.
Like my sister, I chose to attend Luther college in order to study religion. I struggled a lot that year, spending it away from home, feeling more homesick for my mother than I ever had before. She counseled me through my freshman year, despite being in Washington D.C. volunteering for a free health clinic that served the Spanish speaking population, and ended up helping me make the decision to go to the University of Wisconsin – Eau Claire in order to pursue a more diverse academic education in religion.
At Eau Claire I found a new interest in academics, and became incredibly motivated to study religion in the new environment. Sarah had studied abroad in Chile for a semester, and had mentioned more than once that she thought I should study abroad. Her advice ended up changing my life more than I could ever have expected.
I had always thought about studying in Ireland, since I had taken a trip there with my mother a week before she had passed away. Sarah urged me to look into other possibilities that might cater to my religious studies passion. I eventually took a semester leave of absence to apply to a school in Thailand to study Southeast Asia and Buddhism for four months in Chiang Mai. While I was there my passion for studying religion intensified, and I realized the benefit of studying a religion within the culture of that religion. I again worked with my sister, and we found a way to take out loans and another semester leave so I could study Hinduism and South Asian culture in Calcutta, India.
That year abroad redefined me as a person. I learned, experienced, saw, heard, and smelled things I could never have in the classroom at Eau Claire. Since Sarah believed strongly in the importance of volunteer work, I studied in Calcutta with a service-learning program called IPSL. I was placed In Mother Teresa's home for the Destitute and the Dieing, the first home that Mother Teresa founded when she went to India. There I experienced death to a degree that I could never have imagined, working with people every day that were too sick, old, or injured to care for themselves out on the streets. When I had the chance I would speak to my sister about it, since it was emotionally draining to be so close to so much pain. However, being who she is, she helped me realize the incredible things that were happening underneath all that pain. The amount of people that came from around the world, of all different religions, setting differences aside to help as many people survive as possible. There were many deaths, and that was incredibly hard, but my sister helped me see the beauty that was in each survivor. She was the single-most important factor in helping me get through the four months serving there and taking courses with the rest of my time.
I have since returned to work at camp yet another summer, and end my undergraduate career at Eau Claire. My sister hasn't stopped being not only a sister, but a mother to me, as we are currently searching for graduate schools for me to apply to next fall for a Master's in counseling. In times when I needed the support and love of a mother, my sister stepped forward and became that presence in my life, and I can't imagine who or where I would be if she hadn't been in my life.

- Nathan J. Koch

Nathan, WI
Posted: October 08, 2008

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