Broken Hearts Healed

In December 2005, Melinda and I were complete strangers. I had given birth to my son six days earlier, when she entered the hospital to deliver her second son. Unbeknownst to either of us, that would be the beginning of a very unique and powerful friendship.

When I gave birth to my son, Will, my husband and I were so happy. Within 18 hours, that happiness was challenged. Will had been diagnosed with a heart defect. He spent the next six days in the NICU before he was cleared to come home, on monitors and medications. While we were receiving our discharge instructions, Melinda’s son was being rushed into the NICU. He happened to be in the bed space right next to Will. Like us, Melinda and her husband Scott were unaware of Joseph’s heart defect. He was in critical condition and had coded moments before. Derek and I stood by Will’s bedside as we watched the doctors work furiously on Joseph. They brought in a priest to baptize Joseph and wheeled Melinda in to say goodbye to Joseph as they were med-flighting him to Children’s Hospital Boston.

I felt horrible watching such a sad event unfold, and guilty that I was getting to take my baby home. Two days later, Will was readmitted to the PICU in congestive heart failure. After two days in a local children’s hospital, Derek and I requested a transfer to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit at Children’s Hospital Boston. As soon as we arrived, we just knew that we were in the right place. And as we waited to see Will, I saw a woman walking down the hall towards the bathrooms. It was Melinda.

I said to Derek, “That’s the mom from the NICU.” He didn’t remember, and of course, Melinda had not noticed anyone else in the NICU that day. Usually I am not an outspoken person, but I felt compelled to say something to her. “Was your son in the NICU at Women and Infants?” I asked. She replied yes and I told her that our son was in the bedspace next to her son when they were preparing to med-flight him. She apologized for not knowing who we were, which was more than understandable. We engaged in small talk and shared which bedspace we were both in. We each invited the other one to visit and went on our way. I didn’t expect anything more than smiles and nods as we passed each other in the halls of the CICU. Shortly thereafter, Derek and I saw Melinda and Scott walking towards Will’s bedspace. Again, we shared some minor information about our boys and about ourselves. We lived only twenty minutes from each other in the same state. They left to return to their son, and again, we didn’t expect much more.

As the next five weeks unfolded, both of our boys went back and forth between the CICU and the step down floor multiple times. During those weeks, we became extremely close. We laughed about the silliest things, we cried together, and we laid the foundation for a deep, true friendship. We were discharged a few days before Joseph. When they finally came home, we talked on the phone every day. We visited each other at least once a week for months to come. We again cried together on the phone, shared our fears and frustrations, and still laughed about the silliest things.

It is now over two and a half years later. Melinda is the one person I want to talk to on a daily basis. She is the only person who understands my fears and my anger regarding Will’s heart health. And even though her son’s heart condition is more serious, she never makes me feel like I don’t deserve to feel all the same things she does.

Melinda and I were so grateful that we had met in the hospital, and that we continued to rely on each other once we were home. We couldn’t imagine not having each other to lean on. We knew that most heart families went home alone, and that made us both sad and angry. We decided to do more. She and I co-founded a Rhode Island support group for families affected by congenital heart defects. It is called Helping Hands Healing Hearts and we are now over a year old. We have monthly meetings, mom night’s out, family outings, fundraisers and a website (www.riheartgroup.com).

I don’t know what I would do without Melinda. She is truly an amazing person who doesn’t recognize her own strength. Maybe part of that is that she offers so much strength to others that she doesn’t leave enough for herself. She is the most rational person I know, and is the type of friend who will very clearly and calmly help you through any obstacle in your life. I only wish that I could offer her that same amount of strength. She puts everyone in her life ahead of herself, and while selfishly I appreciate that, I wish she would take time to herself.

She is an amazing mother, wife and person. She is an example of what a true friend should be, and a shining example of how to live in the face of adversity. She is my dear friend. And while we both wish that our sons were not born with heart defects, I know that I would not give her up for anything.

Kelli, RI
Posted: November 14, 2008

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